The Masque Forums
Chat Room Information => Chat Topics => Lifestyle Discussions => Topic started by: admin on March 22, 2008, 03:22:39 PM
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We had our very first Lifestyle chat in the masque tonight, my thanks to slavesong for a wonderful job guiding the chat, and keeping us all focused. We had a lively discussion regarding communication in a D/s relationship. Some of the questions raised were,
1. Is the communication different in a D/s relationship compared to a “vanilla” or traditional relationship?
The consensus was that while communication is key in any relationship, it would appear to be more important when there’s the power exchange associated with D/s.
2. How is the best method of communicating?
While we agreed that verbal communication is best, we also conceded that journals, often play a key part in a D/s relationship. Some Dom’s relayed that they have their subs journal daily, it’s read daily, and then discussed.
Again, we agreed that the verbal communication of what’s written is paramount.
3. Which then brought us to the responsibility of the Dom/me, to maintain communication.
While some expressed that the responsibility falls upon the Dom/me, it was also agreed that the responsibility should not fall solely on the Dom/me. It is up to the sub to have a willingness to learn to open up. We discussed how life and experience often causes subs to bottle things up, for the reason stated above and also because of the “fear” and I use that term loosely, of disappointing the Dom/me in question.
4. How does a sub convey that an issue is of importance to him/her, when it doesn’t appear to be taken as important?
We agreed that for the most part, the sub should try to explain why the subject is important, whether verbal or in a journal. It was pointed out that while the sub should determine why it’s important, there are times when the Dom/me may know before hand what’s important and why.
5. How does a sub handle the “because I said so” response?
The general consensus here amongst the Dom’s present was that there may be a time and place for such a response, but for the most part, a Dominant who takes that stance for general purposes, is doing so more for ego, rather than for the good and growth of the sub.
Many times during tonight’s discussion the subject of trust, patience, and time was the theme, and agreed by all that these are all factors of maintaining a healthy D/s relationship. We also had a nice round table discussion of society’s perceptions of the D/s lifestyle, and how it’s become almost faddish. Which then brought up the subject of inexperienced people dabbling in the online realm and rushing in, too eager to accept a collar, to satisfy the need to belong, and be “owned” without really knowing or caring what the significance of a collar really means. While we also conceded that online relationships tend to move much faster than real life, accepting a collar after only days or a week of discussions, does the lifestyle and the individuals no service.
I’m sure there was more, that I’m not capturing here, and I hope that those in attendance tonight will add to my post. Next week we’ll be hosting another chat on Thursday, which will be hosted by Kinetic Haiku, topic TBD.
Once again, thank you all for attending, and making the discussion a complete success!!!!