The Masque Forums
The Garden => The Lifestyle => Topic started by: Admin on April 09, 2019, 11:33:16 AM
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Discussion .Switch in BDSM notes by andone
Links
https://www.kinkly.com/2/1202/sex-tips/bdsm/power-play-the-differences-between-tops-bottoms-and-switches
Switch: A switch is a person who may switch between feeling Dominant/sadistic or submissive/masochistic depending on the partner they're with or their mood. They may play as a Top or a bottom. They may not feel either Dominant or submissive.
http://www.kinkweekly.com/article-jenn/what-is-a-switch/
https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-good-tips-for-learning-to-be-a-switch-in-BDSM
https://www.girlonthenet.com/2014/11/30/bdsm-switching/
https://www.kinkdapp.com/dom-sub-switch-kink.html
https://amandaharper.wordpress.com/2011/10/08/bdsm-how-it-couldshould-be-a-switch-or-a-dominant-who-chooses-to-submit/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top,_bottom,_switch_(BDSM)#Switch
Wikipedia -A switch is someone who participates in BDSM activities sometimes as a top and other times as a bottom or (in the case of dominance and submission) sometimes as a dominant and other times as a submissive. This is sometimes referred to as being versatile.
Questions
1 How do you define switch?
2 Is a Switch with clearly defined leanings helpful?
3 Creating scenes/tasks for a switch?
4 How do you decide if you are a switch?
5 Open to Room
My Input
1 A switch I define as someone as someone who does not primarily identify as a Dominant or submissive but has interest in both these areas and is willing to take on either role with their partner/s
2 It can be helpful if you have a switch who is clear which of the role.Like withal BDSM communication is the key .
3 Creating for a switch again comes down to communication. It can possibly also depend on which role they may feel suitable for. As for tasks
4 Again it comes down to where you feel comfortable. As noted in some of the above links looking at what works for you in each role Dominant or submissive and making a list of what works and progressing from there.
Summary . A switch in BDSM is a role that can be defined by its versatility. It can be compared to mixing two flavours of ice cream together to create one big sensation. It relies on communication like all aspects of BDSM. I compare it to liking something chips you can eat them cooked hot or in potato crisp form and still enjoy it.
Topic Discussion Switch 1 PM USA EST courtesy of Ms Monster
Ms Monster 7/04 12:06 Sooo... today's topic is "What is a Switch". Please bear with me, I am filling in for another member who could not make it. I'll do my best with andone's notes and observations and add my own as well.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:07 To start things off; How would folks in here define a switch?
Jashine 7/04 12:08 I would say 'capable of being both a Dominant and a submissive'?
Master Albert 7/04 12:08 A switch can be a DOM. And a sub depending on his/her mood
esmay 7/04 12:08 Ms Monster I don't know a lot about it, but from what I understand, it is someone who has both dominant and submissive tendencies, and they can change depending on situations, who they are with, and seasons in their lives...
Song_Yung 7/04 12:09 a person who enjoys the positions of Top or bottom dependent on mood, the partner they are with, and what may be part of the scene?
Song_Yung 7/04 12:09 *smiles at esmay's answer*
The Duke 7/04 12:09 yeah i think they just switch between dominant and submissive at different times
Master Albert 7/04 12:09 esmay she was grilled in another way
esmay 7/04 12:09 Master Albert I figured, Sir. : )
The Duke 7/04 12:09 lol Master Albert
Ms Monster 7/04 12:10 You are all very correct. A switch is simply someone who identifies with both a Dominant and submissive side. Some can switch at will, others need particular circumstances or situations in which to explore both or sides.
Master Albert 7/04 12:10 A switch will submit to a stronger Dom and top a weaker sub
Song_Yung 7/04 12:10 I have had some few Lifestyle Switch friends. They will be Dominant for a long period of time (years) until their relationship ended then switch to submissive for the next partner they find
Ms Monster 7/04 12:11 Master Albert That is a great observation as well. Some switches, like myself, operate that way.
The Duke 7/04 12:11 interesting
Jashine 7/04 12:11 It's strangely analogous to bisexual people, who will be in a straight relationship for years and then be in a same-sex one
esmay 7/04 12:11 Ms Monster Master Albert Master Albert I have read about that, mostly in novels, but I love that premise.
Master Albert 7/04 12:11 Ms Monster nods thank you kindly
Song_Yung 7/04 12:11 I have met a few bisexual switches that say that for one gender they prefer Top/Dominant and for the other gender they prefer bottom/submissive
Ms Monster 7/04 12:12 Song_Yung That is what happened with me. For many years, my Domme side was much more prevalent than my sub side. Things have changed.
Song_Yung 7/04 12:12 I would not think though it is pertinent to sexuality though
kissa 7/04 12:12 Song_Yung, that was like me
Ms Monster 7/04 12:12 Myself as well. I can take a dominant role with either gender, but I just can't be a sub to another woman.
Jashine 7/04 12:13 This issue of stronger/weaker bothers me. Perhaps we can return to it when appropriate in the discussion?
Song_Yung 7/04 12:13 I have known heteros that depending on the partner's personality, they may prefer one role over the other. Like my two Lifestyle Switch friends and one of them was M/s
Master Albert 7/04 12:13 Dominating submitting is not always involves sex
Ms Monster 7/04 12:13 Jashine We will explore more into terms like that.
Jashine 7/04 12:13 Great, Ms Monster
Sir Grey 7/04 12:14 Ms Monster Lilia is the same, she tops other women or weaker subs in general.
Master Albert 7/04 12:14 Jashine i apologise bit I was pointing out a switches mindset only, no offence
Ms Monster 7/04 12:14 Do folks here think that dealing with a switch with more clearly defined leanings to be helpful?
Jashine 7/04 12:15 Thanks for the clarification, Master Albert!
sinful_silks 7/04 12:15 This girl is uncomfortable being in charge in any setting. Regardless of gender.
esmay 7/04 12:15 Ms Monster Not in getting to know them, or being friends with them. If I were to have a relationship with them (I won't, The Duke, lol) I'd want to know that more clearly, but aside from that, I feel I don't need to know.
Master Albert 7/04 12:15 Jashine nods smiling
The Duke 7/04 12:16 yes im not sure if that would make big difference or not Ms Monster
Jashine 7/04 12:18 Ms Monster, when you say 'clearly defined leanings' I'm not sure I get what you mean. Do you mean someone who knows exactly in what context they would choose to Dom and sub?
sinful_silks 7/04 12:18 Ms Monster for this one, it’s difficult to know how to address a switch properly. This girl has no way of knowing how that person is feeling. Have been told off a time or two for calling someone Sir when they were in a submissive place then.
The Duke 7/04 12:18 oh i never considered that sinful_silks
Ms Monster 7/04 12:19 Jashine Yes. A switch who knows exactly where they fit on the spectrum as opposed to one who fluctuates more easily.
esmay 7/04 12:19 sinful_silks That would be confusing.
sinful_silks 7/04 12:19 The Duke it’s just something this girl has dealt with a time or two.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:20 sinful_silks It can be difficult, for sure. I would recommend observing their behaviour or just coming out and asking them how they prefer to be addressed.
esmay 7/04 12:20 I was going to ask if it is better to refrain from addressing them with titles until they show what mindset they're in
sinful_silks 7/04 12:20 Ms Monster *nods* that has been her action lately.
Jashine 7/04 12:21 Do you think that the more experienced switches are more likely to have clearly defined their D/s behaviour? I wonder whether the inexperienced ones are what Fet calls 'evolving'!!
Ms Monster 7/04 12:21 Most of us know that our place in the spectrum can cause some confusion in others. And you would not likely find one o be offended by such a request. In fact, it is quite respectful.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:23 Jashine In many instances, that can be the case. Experience certainly does teach us where our preferences lie. However, I have known switches that never narrow down their leanings and are perfectly happy just going with the flow.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:23 For some, it can be helpful to have clearly defined tendencies. However, it is not essential. Like with everything in BDSM, communication is key.
Jashine 7/04 12:24 Thanks for the clarification, Ms Monster. That is perfectly clear
Ms Monster 7/04 12:24 Jashine I am glad to hear it!
Ms Monster 7/04 12:24 So how would one approach creating a scene with a switch?
Sir Grey 7/04 12:25 Ms Monster I have seen some switches going from dominant to submissive back to dominant in a matter of hours. Any clarification on that part?
Ms Monster 7/04 12:26 Sir Grey It really comes down to general mood and company.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:27 Our moods and tastes can vary wildly from one moment to the next.
esmay 7/04 12:27 I know certain things can make me feel confident and giddy, and then something make me feel very insecure, and then back again, I'm guessing that would influence a switch if they were like me?
Ms Monster 7/04 12:28 esmay Exactly. Everyone's mood fluctuates. The same goes for a switch. I do get that, at times, that mood change can be a bit extreme.
The Duke 7/04 12:28 would you have to take special care in preparing a scene with a switch in case they switch during the scene Ms Monster
esmay 7/04 12:28 Ms Monster ok, that is good to know.
Master Albert 7/04 12:28 I call the switches by their names, and they through her action (see here them addressing me Sir, or calling me Albert) will let me know in what mood they are in
esmay 7/04 12:29 We will have to watch how the Doms/Masters are address.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:29 The Duke For some, I would say so. However, once a scene is negotiated, staying in one mode is pretty easy. You get all excited to act out that part of your personality.
The Duke 7/04 12:30 oh ok
esmay 7/04 12:30 Ms Monster is there an obligation to finish a scene in the role you started out in if you are a switch?
Ms Monster 7/04 12:31 In negotiating a scene, it is very similar to just a straight up Dom/me/sub dynamic. You would be negotiating with the side you are playing with.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:31 esmay There is never an obligation to complete any scene. For anyone. Ever.
esmay 7/04 12:31 Ms Monster OH, sorry,, I meant more like, to not switch in the middle. Yes, I do know a scene never has to be finished, sorry.
Jashine 7/04 12:32 Ms Monster, I think that's an important point there. If a switch is playing with a sub, they would be doing a disservice to the sub by becoming submissive during a scene. What would the sub do? I think it's about the clear communication you mentioned earlier
Ms Monster 7/04 12:34 No worries. I just wanted to clarify the phrasing, esmay. I personally have never switched in the middle of a scene, unless that was actually part of the scene itself (switches playing with switches will often do this). It is very easy for a switch to be swept in the moment and their role. It is unlikely we would switch mid-session.
esmay 7/04 12:34 Ms Monster ok : )
Ms Monster 7/04 12:34 Jashine Exactly right! Communication is the most important thing.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:35 Negotiating a scene with a switch is not much different than a Dom/me negotiating with a sub, or vice versa.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:36 How does everyone think one might come to the conclusion that they are a switch?
esmay 7/04 12:37 Ms Monster Wanting to control some people? Wanting other people to control you? Moments when you want to be in charge, and moments you want to be taken care of?
The Duke 7/04 12:37 maybe an interest in both side of the D/s equation?
Serrian 7/04 12:38 Sometimes, I think it's a case of a general not knowing what they want when first starting out, and then learning they enjoy or crave both.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:38 esmay The Duke Absolutely. But it can also be someone who has no strong inclination either way.
Master Albert 7/04 12:38 One knows one is a switch through the need of control and sometimes the need to submit, it's actually easy..... Yet too complicated
esmay 7/04 12:40 Ms Monster can someone feel neutral about being submissive or dominant, and plays the opposite role of the person they are with to meet that other person's needs?
Ms Monster 7/04 12:40 Master Albert Agreed. It can be rather complicated. Especially in the beginning. It can take time and experience for anyone to be fully comfortable in their role(s).
Master Albert 7/04 12:40 Ms Monster nods
Jashine 7/04 12:40 I feel strongly that I am a switch but I have not yet dommed, having only three years' experience as a sub. It is dependent on my circumstances right now
Ms Monster 7/04 12:41 esmay Most definitely. Some of us just thoroughly enjoy both and the company we keep can highly influence which side of the spectrum we gravitate toward.
esmay 7/04 12:41 Ms Monster That is VERY cool.
esmay 7/04 12:41 Ms Monster oh, if that is alright to say, sorry, we are DD, D/s couple, and I'm learning so much more here.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:42 esmay I refer to them as more "Go with the flow" or neutral types of switches.
esmay 7/04 12:42 Ms Monster ok ")
esmay 7/04 12:42 esmay
Ms Monster 7/04 12:42 esmay Opinions and ideas are welcome here.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:43 Jashine That is pretty cool. Do you intend to explore your Domme side?
Master Albert 7/04 12:43 Ms Monster that the only way to do, go with the flow and do whatever flips your boat in that moment t
Ms Monster 7/04 12:44 Master Albert Definitely for some. Others might prefer everything planned out and negotiated. It's all very personal.
Jashine 7/04 12:44 Ms Monster, that's possible. I see the kind of technical skills my Mistress has, and know that it would take me a while to acquire those
Ms Monster 7/04 12:45 Jashine Would your Mistress be willing to guide or train you in developing your own Domme side? Perhaps with another sub?
esmay 7/04 12:45 Ms Monster Wow, that's beautiful.
Master Albert 7/04 12:46 Ms Monster indeed all need to be discussed, planned and communication kept open at all times
Jashine 7/04 12:46 Ms Monster, that would of course be through many conversations, making sure that we're both emotionally OK with that (would my Mistress feel she's not good enough for me, or feel jealous? It's complex)
Ms Monster 7/04 12:48 Jashine I understand. My own Dom and I are polyamorous. I will always submit to him, and him only. But under his direction, we would share a sub.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:49 Jashine IT doesn't change existing relationship dynamics. You're right.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:50 So, in summary, A switch in BDSM is a role that can be defined by its versatility. It can be compared to mixing two flavours of ice cream together to create one big sensation. It relies on communication like all aspects of BDSM. Does anyone have further questions, observations or comments they wish to share?
esmay 7/04 12:51 Ms Monster Does a switch ever end up in a role they wish they could change, but don't know how to? Like something frightens them into submissive and they can't get back to Dominant?
Song_Yung 7/04 12:51 I missed some of the conversation if I may ask?
Ms Monster 7/04 12:51 Song_Yung Of course!
Song_Yung 7/04 12:52 if a Switch is easily fluid from one role tp the other withous sustaining the years of one role vs the other, would it be more T/b than Lifestyle?
Jashine 7/04 12:52 My observation is that people inhabiting one side of the D/s slash find switches perhaps difficult to understand, and even regard them with suspicion!!
Ms Monster 7/04 12:52 esmay I imagine that could happen to anyone. Sometimes a switch can get stuck in a role and find difficulty making their way back to the other, or even a more neutral place on the spectrum. This can even happen naturally.
Song_Yung 7/04 12:53 I personally always felt, those who switch constantly, that is was more T/b kink play than truly sustaning a Lifestyle of one role for a period of time
esmay 7/04 12:53 Ms Monster ok, and thank you, I know I had a lot of questions.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:53 Song_Yung I would say that is strongly dependant on the switch and their current dynamic(s). Perhaps the may have both a Dom/me and a sub to fulfill both sides.
Song_Yung 7/04 12:54 I ask, because, sometimes, I feel many, espcially online, mistake T/b as D/s
Ms Monster 7/04 12:54 esmay Questions are always welcome. Please ask away whenever they come to mind.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:55 Song_Yung This is certainly true. But many confuse all kinds of definitions and dynamics. Many have their own definitions as well.
esmay 7/04 12:55 Ms Monster Thank you.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:56 Jashine That has been my experience as well. It can be rather difficult for folks to understand loving and being fulfilled by both sides. Or even NEEDING both sides to find the same fulfillment that they find in just one.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:56 esmay Any time, lovely.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:57 Walking in another's shoes is always a bit difficult, Jashine.
esmay 7/04 12:58 People get suspicious? Don't they understand your need to Switch is as deep as theirs is to be submissive or Dominant?
Jashine 7/04 12:58 We have a lot of terminology in BDSM which often doesn't adequately describe the complexity of a person
Ms Monster 7/04 12:58 Hell, it can be difficult for switches to even fully understand their place in the BDSM spectrum.
esmay 7/04 12:58 Ms Monster I'm finding the same, and I know I'm a submissive, but what kind, to what level, so much to learn.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:59 esmay Some folks do regard switches with suspicion or just disregard them all together.
Ms Monster 7/04 12:59 esmay Absolutely!
Song_Yung 7/04 13:00 I can say I do not for myself and yes I have T/b played with switch friends who needed a fix now and then.
esmay 7/04 13:00 I'm sorry. That must be very hard to be hard to be trusted by others just because of who you are.
Ms Monster 7/04 13:00 Gladly, those folks seem to be in the minority that have such negative views on switches.
esmay 7/04 13:00 *to not be trusted
Song_Yung 7/04 13:01 I am simply realistic it is a temporary relationship and actually am honored they trusted me to be that person for them
Ms Monster 7/04 13:01 esmay It happens. Those folks are best avoided anyway. I know I don't care to hang around anyone who would treat others in such a manner, let alone play with them.
Ms Monster 7/04 13:02 Song_Yung That is wonderful!
esmay 7/04 13:02 Ms Monster that's a good attitude to have. The time spent convincing them would be exhausting.
Ms Monster 7/04 13:02 I know some switches that exclusively date or play with other switches only. Which, let me tell you, is SUUUUPER fun!
Ms Monster 7/04 13:02 esmay No doubt
esmay 7/04 13:03 Ms Monster Would it be a problem at times if both wanted to be the same role, though?
Song_Yung 7/04 13:03 I met online a married switch couple. They were wonderful people
Jashine 7/04 13:03 I can imagine, Ms Monster!
Ms Monster 7/04 13:04 esmay That can be handled in the space of a single scene. One can start Dominant and then let their partner take the reins and submit for the second half of a scene. I've done it many times, myself.
esmay 7/04 13:04 Ms Monster oh, ok. It's all so interesting. : )
Ms Monster 7/04 13:04 A consensual non-consent scenario is rather helpful for that particular itch.
esmay 7/04 13:05 Ms Monster Oh, okay. That is how we live our dynamic, consentual non-consent.
Ms Monster 7/04 13:05 Or even just TAG! You're it.
esmay 7/04 13:06 Ms Monster lol Okay, that does sound fun. : )
Ms Monster 7/04 13:06 esmay It really is
Ms Monster 7/04 13:07 Any other questions, comment, etc?
esmay 7/04 13:07 Ms Monster Ms Monster Thank you for filling in.
Ms Monster 7/04 13:08 esmay My pleasure!
valkyrie_HK 7/04 13:08 Ms Monster thank you... I know I didn't participate but I was following along as best as my scattered head would let me
The Duke 7/04 13:08 yes thank you it was a good chat Ms Monster
Ms Monster 7/04 13:09 Thank you so much, everyone. I had a blast and hope you all found this discussion informative and fun. If anyone ever has further questions, my inbox is absolutely open.
TOPIC Discussion Switch 8 PM EST courtesy of andone
andone 7/04 19:01 Thank you all for being here tonight all. And as Song_Yung has stated tonight's discussion topic is Switches and the role in BDSM.
andone 7/04 19:02 1st here is a defintion -Switch: A switch is a person who may switch between feeling Dominant/sadistic or submissive/masochistic depending on the partner they're with or their mood. They may play as a Top or a bottom. They may not feel either Dominant or submissive.
andone 7/04 19:03 Any questions or comments before I move things on
TLSCP 7/04 19:03 what is the role of a switch in an M/s?
Song_Yung 7/04 19:05 I imagine the same principle. Master/Mistress when feeling Dominant and slave when feeling submissive and I am basing this from a personal friend who was a Lifestyle M/s S/switch
Pjosi 7/04 19:05 I would add that the experiences during the days before a specific moment add to the mood or position
Song_Yung 7/04 19:06 it was amazing to talk to him, as he was even a Poly Master or a poly slave during those periods and switch as each relationship dissolved over time and we are talking years
andone 7/04 19:06 nods that is a good point Pjosi thank you. And I would agree on that princple Song_Yung and ty for the question TLSCP
andone 7/04 19:09 As we started with the defintion I would like to move it to the first of the questions for the room to discuss i had tonight and that was 1 How do you define switch?. I can give my input if that is fine to start with if I may
Song_Yung 7/04 19:10 Pjosi, as you enjoy switching, how would you define it for yourself?
andone 7/04 19:11 Here is how I define it 1 A switch I define as someone as someone who does not primarily identify as a Dominant or submissive but has interest in both these areas and is willing to take on either role with their partner/s
Song_Yung 7/04 19:11 andone, if I may ask, how would one feel when which role emerges over another?
Song_Yung 7/04 19:12 feel as in trigger cause of choice
Pjosi 7/04 19:14 Song_Yung Hmm well i wouldnt say it is always enjoyable. As for definition.. I would label myself as someone who likes to take care of another. Sometimes i can do that by being Dominant, sometimes that will be by giving away the control and being submissive. An important part of my subside needs that as well. The feeling that someone is in control of something, that something being me and my actions. My dominant side finds joy in what it means for the submissive.
andone 7/04 19:14 Nods I think one would look at both roles and side with the one that feels the most comfortble for them Song_Yung.It may come down to a persons mood on the day or down to whatever need or role they chose to fufil with their partner
andone 7/04 19:16 Pjosi that is a very cool answer thank you for sharing
Song_Yung 7/04 19:16 That is a very nice perspective you shared Pjosi and thank you for the share
TLSCP 7/04 19:16 Pjosi well said
Pjosi 7/04 19:16 andone *smiles* it is my pleasure
Song_Yung 7/04 19:16 andone, thank you too
mei 7/04 19:17 andone (sits listening focused and compares)
Pjosi 7/04 19:17 Song_Yung TLSCP Thank you both as well
Jashine 7/04 19:18 (Reading discussion but keeping back from commenting as I commented earlier today)
Song_Yung 7/04 19:18 please feel free to input and ask questions on Switch in the BDSM umbrella world
Song_Yung 7/04 19:18 Jashine feel free to comment anytime regardless how many times you may have shared it. New people here
Jashine 7/04 19:19 OK Song_Yung!
mei 7/04 19:20 andone thank you for your insight I believe I'll be leaving for awhile
Song_Yung 7/04 19:20 anybody else have thoughts on Switch questions with roles?
Pjosi 7/04 19:22 Well, what is the rooms opinion on switching to quickly, triggered by something?
mei 7/04 19:23 andone before I go I do have a question
andone 7/04 19:23 please ask mei
Song_Yung 7/04 19:23 Pjosi, my thought on switching is based on each switch person. I do not know what triggers one side to be more present over the other one. Each person would have their own personal reasons to my thinking.
mei 7/04 19:24 andone I'm pretty much exclusively submissive and a masochist.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:25 mei, and the question you had in mind?
Maureen 7/04 19:25 I have no experience in this area. I have no real opinions of it.
andone 7/04 19:25 nods understood mei and please askyour question
mei 7/04 19:26 andone however recently there have been 2 people that I feel the exact opposite towards. What do you think of that based of off what you've learned. Because it has left me confused, o don't believe I'd be a switch h persay but I'm not sure.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:26 Maureen but you can always ask questions if one arises if you think it would help you. Please never hesitate to pose them
Pjosi 7/04 19:26 Song_Yung *nods* That is very true. There are a lot of factors that weigh in
emily_kajira 7/04 19:26 I am the same as Maureen. I don't really have opinions other than like all BDSM relationships, I believe switches must have good communication to have a healthy relationship.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:27 good one emily_kajira and I agree too
emily_kajira 7/04 19:28 communication meaning, 2 parts good talking skills and 98 parts good listening skills. *giggles*
Maureen 7/04 19:28 To each their own. As long as you’re happy, do you. It’s just confusing to me as it’s not something ive ever felt or will have in my relationship.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:28 mei, maybe you are predominantly submissive but certain personalities at times bring out that lil domme in you that you feel you can provide that control level during play time?
Pjosi 7/04 19:28 emily_kajira Yes definitely. A lot of it comes down to managing expectations. As a switch you need to be clear on the fact that you won
emily_kajira 7/04 19:28 thank you, Mistress. Song_Yung
Pjosi 7/04 19:28 won't* always be able to be the role that the other might prefer
mei 7/04 19:28 Song_Yung perhaps.
esmay 7/04 19:28 Are there stressors for Switches that subs and Doms should be aware of that we wouldn't normally struggle with?
Song_Yung 7/04 19:29 I have always personally said, everyone has Dominant and a submissive personality. One side is more prevalent than another for those who prefer their roles full time whereas I think the Switch looks to balance the duality?
andone 7/04 19:30 I agree with Song_Yung mei it does sound like that. Nothingto be confused on just look at it as something you hadn;t pondred before and take some time to consider it
mei 7/04 19:30 andone thanks.
TLSCP 7/04 19:30 mei, if I may. I feel the basis for any relationship BDSM or otherwise is love and the honest feeling of caring for the other individual. that said if you feel there is someone you would want to take a D role with then My advice would be to see where it takes you. it could be bad, but it could also lead you to a whole new outlook on your life.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:30 I mean, I am quite submissive to my mother (I know damn better) and at times I do acquiesce to TLSCP (she has out reasoned me in logic)
andone 7/04 19:30 Your welcome mei
mei 7/04 19:31 TLSCP thank you for that advice it is very helpful
TLSCP 7/04 19:32 for Me the switch comes into play in "the heat of the moment" if it "feels" right for a scene then I could let it happen. but My sun side is very limited these days
mei 7/04 19:32 TLSCP I see.
TLSCP 7/04 19:32 mei never a problem just ask
TLSCP 7/04 19:32 sub*
andone 7/04 19:33 esmay I would assume in answer to your question there would like most likely be those yes
andone 7/04 19:37 Okay if I may ,now we have actually moved to where my next question for dicussion was going.Switches as noted can lean to one of the two roles more than others.My next question with that in mind is does that help
Pjosi 7/04 19:38 esmay As an answer to your question... yes there are stressors, however they change from person to person. Personally i need to keep an eye on my emotions, because they can send me falling from "Domspace" and into "subspace" quickly, which send my brain scrambling.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:39 oh wow Pjosi. That is a quick flip
Song_Yung 7/04 19:39 how do you manage that when you realize it is happening Pjosi?
Maureen 7/04 19:39 Or do you even realize it’s happening?
andone 7/04 19:39 nods ty for answering Pjposi
andone 7/04 19:40 oops Pjosi
esmay 7/04 19:40 Pjosi that makes sense
Pjosi 7/04 19:41 Song_Yung Maureen Well, last time i realized it was happening i went out and smoked, just sat down and focused on the act of sitting, smoking and the weather. Kept it simple and organized myself.
esmay 7/04 19:42 Pjosi Do you find it hard to keep to Dom or sub? Or is that even a want? Is it easier to just drift from one to the other?
Maureen 7/04 19:43 I guess Pjosi that’s not much different than realizing your in the middle of any emotional uproar. My “tantrums” or meltdown happen much the same way. I either figure it out before he does or real soon after. LOL
Pjosi 7/04 19:43 I have had times where i didnt realize till it was too late, which was terrible honestly. I had the fortune of being close to friends who recognized that something was off and helped center me.
esmay 7/04 19:43 Pjosi maybe you answered that earlier, sorry. I was away, please do not feel you have to answer if it was already asked
andone 7/04 19:44 having someone that can help centre you is a big plus
Song_Yung 7/04 19:45 basically then you Dom drop into sub space if I am understanding it or do you feel it is more a Dom drop?
Pjosi 7/04 19:45 esmay I dont think it was asked *smiles* And there are times where it is harder. It is dependant on a lot of factors, usually it is easy to hold on to when with a partner or something like that. The difficulty lies in the expectations of others
Pjosi 7/04 19:45 andone definitely!
esmay 7/04 19:46 Pjosi Thank you for sharing.
Pjosi 7/04 19:46 Song_Yung Yes, that is a fair comparison
Song_Yung 7/04 19:46 I asked because Dom drops can require the same level of Aftercare as any sub drop
Song_Yung 7/04 19:47 Pjosi, maybe letting your partners know of this to be acutely aware to be able to provide the after care to you when that moment arises will help too?
Maureen 7/04 19:47 Do switches mostly occur with play partners or are they relationship based?
southernwildcat 7/04 19:47 Song_Yung, that is interesting to know. But it makes sense that a Dom could experience a drop like a Sub
Ms Monster 7/04 19:49 Maureen We can occur in both scenarios.
Pjosi 7/04 19:49 Song_Yung Definitely. I believe that is the beauty of the relationship honestly, both roles can build and support each other.
andone 7/04 19:49 Agreed Pjosi and ty Ms Monster for answering
Pjosi 7/04 19:50 I hope i am explaining things right, i am still exploring it all myself
andone 7/04 19:50 your doing a great job Pjosi
Maureen 7/04 19:50 Ms Monster how do you know who’s being what at any given time? Is it spur of the moment, scene based, rules based? sorry for the questions, I have really never had anyone to ask these to before
Song_Yung 7/04 19:51 Pjosi, your perspective is equally important as all the other Switches that present themselves. It helps the rest of us a snippet of perspective and understanding
Song_Yung 7/04 19:51 Maureen we welcome questions and they are great ones you are asking too
Pjosi 7/04 19:51 andone Song_Yung Thank you both
Song_Yung 7/04 19:52 Pjosi may I do a quick PM?
Pjosi 7/04 19:52 Song_Yung Offcourse *smiles*
Ms Monster 7/04 19:52 Maureen No worries at all. Much like in any BDSM scene, communication and negotiation are a requirement. In terms of a relationship dynamic, it's all about constant communication of your wants and needs.
andone 7/04 19:52 nods ty Maureen your questions are welcome feel free to ask
andone 7/04 19:53 And Ms Monster put it right communication is the big factor and can help a lot
Maureen 7/04 19:54 Well I don’t much understand scene play either. LOL. My relationship being mostly Dd doesn’t play into scenes.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:54 andone, may I ask have you thought more about the switch possibility for you after your test yielded an unexpected result?
Song_Yung 7/04 19:55 Maureen, in some ways you sort of do. Even in punishment, you have sets of agreed standards what will and cannot be done to you, right?
andone 7/04 19:55 Yes I have Song_Yung
esmay 7/04 19:55 Please excuse me, brb in 5 or so minutes.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:56 Maureen, and when you have your maintenance spankings, you feel they are different than the punishment ones? You even have unsaid agreements on sex scenes from your established relationship too?
Maureen 7/04 19:56 Not really Song_Yung. In punishment or discipline he decides. My place is to trust him and follow where he leads
Song_Yung 7/04 19:57 but they were negotiated a time ago so you have no longer a need to discuss how your sex scene may unfold? Think of it similar when you were first dating and got intimate, you probably negotiated what you will and won't do in the intimacy
Maureen 7/04 19:57 Sex has no influence on our Dd.
Song_Yung 7/04 19:57 I understand Maureen, but I was trying to give a comparison analogy on how scene playing is negotiated too
andone 7/04 19:59 Song_Yung do you need me to expand a bit on my answer,I juat didn;t want to interupt you and Maureen
Song_Yung 7/04 20:00 please if you would like andone. How do you feel about the result and how have you thought upon the possibility and are you going to embrace it or think this is not you?
Maureen 7/04 20:00 I’ve never “played” with anyone else. So I guess I don’t see what we do as a scene or even negotiated. We just did what married people do and for 20 years it was very very vanilla. LOL
TLSCP 7/04 20:01 much like going to dinner on a first date to a restaurant you have never been to. that little period when you are both looking at the menu and making up your mind is the beginning of a scene
Song_Yung 7/04 20:01 Maureen and that is ok too as you do what works within your dynamic
esmay 7/04 20:01 Back, thank you.
Maureen 7/04 20:02 Ahh dating. I think we skipped that part too
andone 7/04 20:02 Understood. I felt the result was pretty correct and I'm most likely ging to embrace it. For me my feelings are that I'm not fully comfortable in being submissive or Dominantbut there are aspects of both that intrest me
Song_Yung 7/04 20:02 Maureen *smiles*
esmay 7/04 20:03 andone I am new here, so still learning. So I take it you are searching out the things you want, and finding what you need right now?
Maureen 7/04 20:03 We married after 16 days.
andone 7/04 20:03 I hope that my answer makes sense Song_Yung
andone 7/04 20:03 yes esmay
esmay 7/04 20:03 Maureen of knowing each other?
Maureen 7/04 20:03 Yes
esmay 7/04 20:04 andone Okay.
Song_Yung 7/04 20:04 Ms Monster and Pjosi, during new exploration of finding one's Switch comfort, what advice would you give andone and others looking to explore? recommended partners, scene ideas, etc.
andone 7/04 20:05 Song_Yung I just thought of something additonal if I may add a bit more to my answer
Song_Yung 7/04 20:06 never need to ask andone. go for it
Ms Monster 7/04 20:06 I have always been the adventurous sort, despite my introversion. The route I have always taken is to research things I am interested, talk to my partner(s) and take the plunge. I would advise others to explore as they are comfortable doing so.
andone 7/04 20:07 I think a switch also goes to my personality a bit I'm not an up there at the front f the stage type f that makes sense but can do that role if I need to .I've always felt an hmm utitly type person
Ms Monster 7/04 20:08 I do have to go gor now, though. Thanks for the discussion, andone. See you all later.
andone 7/04 20:08 Take care Ms Monster and thank you for helping with the answering and advice
Ms Monster 7/04 20:09 andone my pleasure
Pjosi 7/04 20:09 Song_Yung That is an excellent question. I would recommend to try things out and take it slow. Communication is key in this, no matter what you do. I personally felt more at ease with an experienced partner in this, one with a firm understanding of his/her role and what is asked in it. It allowed me to find out what works, without endangering the other or myself.
Pjosi 7/04 20:09 Ms Monster bye! *waves* Take care
Song_Yung 7/04 20:10 oh that is good advice from both of you
andone 7/04 20:10 Good advice Pjosi
Song_Yung 7/04 20:11 andone, please continue if you have more questions ot ask us
Pjosi 7/04 20:12 As for scene ideas, i recommend just playing with giving up control. Maybe with light bondage, some tasks to do during the day, or just follow your instincts in taking control or releasing it. Ease into it so to say
andone 7/04 20:13 sure Song_Yung we actually have moved into what my next question was going t be which was scenes
andone 7/04 20:13 Pjosi if i may ask could you please give an example for tasks
Pjosi 7/04 20:15 andone I shall try *smiles* It isnt my strong suit however
andone 7/04 20:18 Ah nods its okay Pjosi *smiles* I was just wondering as I don't have any examplesof tasks on me,though if any in the roomcan think of an example please suggest
Pjosi 7/04 20:18 andone I would say a task is something that a Dominant gives a submissive. The submissive does the task, which can be anything really, to show the submission. A task could be to take extra good care of ones hair during the day, or write an essay, take a bath or engage in selfbondage.
esmay 7/04 20:18 andone like expectations to meet during the day?
Pjosi 7/04 20:18 The possibilites are endless
andone 7/04 20:19 nods those are good examples Pjosi,and yes could be something like that esmay
Traylicious 7/04 20:20 i have a list of things that need to be done daily, journal, eating probably, drinking enough water, apply lotion after a shower, reading and painting, plus a daily jounral
Traylicious 7/04 20:20 ops jounral
Traylicious 7/04 20:20 seems i can't spell journal now
andone 7/04 20:21 nods gotcha Traylicious
TLSCP 7/04 20:21 tasks really depend on the sub, for example one may only require a few things to remind of submission through the day, where as another may require a step by step guide for the entire day
andone 7/04 20:21 true TLSCP it can very
esmay 7/04 20:22 andone I don't know if these would work, in DD, depending on the couple, the sub is to go without under wear, check in every hour or two to say what they have accomplished for the day. Some couples have a rule of writing in a journal each day, wearing a butt plug out... I have a list somewhere, I'll find it for you, it has better ideas than what I can remember off the top of my head.
Pjosi 7/04 20:22 esmay If i may ask? What does DD mean?
TLSCP 7/04 20:23 esmay in BDSM these are known as tasks
esmay 7/04 20:23 Pjosi sorry, Domestic Discipline, that is how we started out before moving into D/s
andone 7/04 20:23 Those are fine esmay and thanks you those are good examples
Song_Yung 7/04 20:23 *hugs the lovely and delightful one, Traylicious* My brain stalled and caught up that I did not say hello
esmay 7/04 20:23 TLSCP sorry, yes, I thought that was what he was asking? Maybe I misunderstood?
Pjosi 7/04 20:24 esmay Ooh allright! Thank you!
Traylicious 7/04 20:24 now there are a few things i did not say but those are most on them
Song_Yung 7/04 20:24 andone you have a task, post every 7 minutes or rubberband as the task I gave you to encourage your interaction in the room
TLSCP 7/04 20:24 and scenes are very pliable, can be anything from a RP to a full bondage suspension
Song_Yung 7/04 20:26 mei has a task to drink 3 - 8 ounces of water a day, take a shower, and have 2 meals per day
Song_Yung 7/04 20:27 tasks can be kink play to things to do for self growing and benefit of the submissive
andone 7/04 20:27 back and that is true Song_Yung
Song_Yung 7/04 20:27 a Lfestyle Dominant's task is to have frequent discussions of well being and inclusive how scene playing and tasks are affecting the welfare of the submissive
esmay 7/04 20:27 I like tasks that keep me focused. Like set amounts of time for writing, cooking, cleaning, making sure I spend quality time with daughter and not just rushing from task to task... etc.
Traylicious 7/04 20:27 there is no harm in asking for help in something you want to improve also
TLSCP 7/04 20:28 Traylicious well said
southernwildcat 7/04 20:29 My task is usually 3x5’s 🤦♀️
esmay 7/04 20:29 Traylicious Yes, the hard part is always following through. I asked for help eating less sugar... did the Duke ever follow through. lol
esmay 7/04 20:29 southernwildcat what is 3x5s?
Pjosi 7/04 20:29 Last tasks i got involved keeping healthy mostly.
Song_Yung 7/04 20:31 one of our task was a punishment. The person had to place by their night stand or computer a package of unopened cookies (their favorite hard to resist) and leave it there for 2 weeks. Not because they needed to watch sugar, but because they have repeatedly made the same mistake by the 5th time in 3 days
southernwildcat 7/04 20:31 esmay, 3 sets of 5 kegels in each set.
Song_Yung 7/04 20:32 oh well those are beneficial, southernwildcat
Pjosi 7/04 20:32 Song_Yung Oh my that is evil!
southernwildcat 7/04 20:33 esmay, last night the sadist requested at 9pm that I do a 3x5 for every person that signed in to the ER. It ended up being 22 by the time I got off at 3am. 😭🤣
esmay 7/04 20:33 southernwildcat Oh, I have to do them or embarrass myself when sneezing after havig kids. lol
Song_Yung 7/04 20:33 Pjosi, we have a sadistic sense of humor and if we have to correct a repeated infraction, we might as well make the message clear
andone 7/04 20:33 Question and not sure if this is just for switches or in genreal but can tasks be based around a soecfic area of focuse
esmay 7/04 20:33 southernwildcat eeeeeek
esmay 7/04 20:33 andone oh yes
Song_Yung 7/04 20:33 southernwildcat great pelvic wall muscles!
esmay 7/04 20:34 andone sometimes the Duke's goal is for me to feel more submissive, so his tasks are harder to do, but sometimes our focus is on my health, so then the tasks are about destressing, how I eat, how much I exercise, etc...
Song_Yung 7/04 20:34 tasks should be based on each person's personality in growth, learning, and/or need is my person opinion
southernwildcat 7/04 20:34 Song_Yung, they are, but I believe I was well between 500-800 by the time the day was up..🤣🤷♀️
Pjosi 7/04 20:34 I can understand that. It seems to bring a very clear message
andone 7/04 20:34 nods understood esmay
Song_Yung 7/04 20:35 southernwildcat *thinks she can hold a knitting needle down there and knit*
Traylicious 7/04 20:35 lol
andone 7/04 20:35 and well put Song_Yung
esmay 7/04 20:35 lol
southernwildcat 7/04 20:35 Song_Yung, 🤣🤣🤣
andone 7/04 20:36 hi Hotlatin
Song_Yung 7/04 20:36 My hands are busy. Excuse me while I put this knitting needle down here and show off all my Kegels hard work
esmay 7/04 20:36 southernwildcat 800? Wow, did you have to count to 10 for each one?
esmay 7/04 20:37 Song_Yung just don't forget and sit down on them. ;)
Song_Yung 7/04 20:37 so true, esmay
southernwildcat 7/04 20:37 Song_Yung, but you are right. I have been having trouble sleeping, so today, I was told to go to bed early then walked through a relaxation/breathing process to help clear my mind and sleep. It worked like a charm. I slept 4/5hrs instead of my normal 2
Song_Yung 7/04 20:38 andone, we even had an ice cream task (it was a lesson, not a punishment)
Song_Yung 7/04 20:38 that is wonderful. so you have a Dom now?
southernwildcat 7/04 20:38 esmay, no just hold it as long as I can...
andone 7/04 20:38 Any other questions,thoughts for the discussion ,ah nods cool Song_Yung
Song_Yung 7/04 20:39 submissive kept asking TL and I, ice cream could be a task?
southernwildcat 7/04 20:39 esmay, I swear I did kegels all day. I felt like I had had a bad pelvic exam...🤦♀️
esmay 7/04 20:39 southernwildcat must be hard, "Sorry man with a knife in his hand, can you wait a minute? I still have 8 seconds left on this kegel I think" ;)
esmay 7/04 20:39 southernwildcat I can only imagine. I've over done them and regretted, but never that many, You poor thing.
southernwildcat 7/04 20:39 esmay, nah, I was in triage. And I am good at multitasking
Song_Yung 7/04 20:40 I politely told her, we had something else in mind (it was an orgasm tease play but she would be cumming after 2 hours) but she kept asking so TL gave in to her after asking me privately, what is her normal scoop amount
Song_Yung 7/04 20:40 She ran and got her normal 3 scoops and nestled them between her legs all smiling with delight
esmay 7/04 20:41 southernwildcat That is good. Patients much lost you.
esmay 7/04 20:41 LOVE, not lost, lol
andone 7/04 20:41 aww that nice Song_Yung
Song_Yung 7/04 20:41 TL told her... you have 1 minute per scoop to finish it all in 3 minutes. Her face was shocked and I give her credit, she did try but failed
esmay 7/04 20:41 southernwildcat sorry, someone tried to distract me when I wrote that, I meant they must love you.
Song_Yung 7/04 20:42 the lessons: careful what you ask for, because Dominant's have whims. Trust your Dominant to know what you should be able to succeed in a realistic task
Song_Yung 7/04 20:43 After she failed, I told her what I had originally planned for our play. She said she would be happy to do that one now. LOL she graciously accepted a 30 days ice cream ban from us
andone 7/04 20:43 indeed ,if the room doesn't object or have any other questions or thoughts shall I get to wrapping up tonights discussion with a summary if that is okay
Pjosi 7/04 20:43 andone Please do!
Song_Yung 7/04 20:44 of course
southernwildcat 7/04 20:45 andone, sounds good
andone 7/04 20:46 First of all thank you for all the great questions and answers they have been very helpful and I hope everyone has learned a bit more about switches.To summarise here is how I sum the role of a switch in BDSM .
andone 7/04 20:46 A switch in BDSM is a role that can be defined by its versatility. It can be compared to mixing two flavours of ice cream together to create one big sensation. It relies on communication like all aspects of BDSM. I compare it to liking something chips you can eat them cooked hot or in potato crisp form and still enjoy it.
TLSCP 7/04 20:47 andone nicely said
Song_Yung 7/04 20:48 andone, you have done a fantastic job and I certainly have felt I learned a bit more even after having Switch friends explain their POV
MistressMK 7/04 20:48 thank you andone and E/everyone here for tonights discussion, very informative, learned a lot
andone 7/04 20:49 Thank you TLSCP,Song Yung
Pjosi 7/04 20:49 andone Thank you for leading the discussion
esmay 7/04 20:49 andone Yes, thank you. I am sorry I was not able to be here for the beginning, but I learned a lot from your notes earlier today too. Thank you for putting this together, I learned a lot today.
Traylicious 7/04 20:50 i am sorry i missed the discussion but what i did catch was very well done
Song_Yung 7/04 20:50 Next Sunday, subbabe is going to do our topic lead. I am unsure what it will be yet but equally excited too
southernwildcat 7/04 20:50 andone, thank you!!