BDSM Topic - The Alpha submissive Personality 04/14/2019
LINKS:
https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/self-understanding/alpha-submissives/ https://dominantsoul.wordpress.com/self-understanding/do-you-intimidate-men/ (goes with question #2)
https://shahrazadstory.wordpress.com/2016/06/23/the-alpha-submissive-explained/ (i do apologize on the few links I have. I am finding out that there is not a lot of information on the internet, when researching)
Favorite Statement I've Read:
"I don't see myself as a submissive. I see myself as submissive to you. You see my fires and don't try to put them out. You play in them, feed them, and make them burn brighter. It makes me happy and makes me want to be your good girl."
https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMcommunity/comments/42bkl0/a_bit_about_alphapersonality_submissives/ An alpha wants and needs attention, maybe not constantly, but you must challenge them intellectually and discipline them if they step out of line. Don’t ask them, tell them what you want. If you show any sign of weakness, they’ll take control, and that’s no fun for an alpha because they really don’t want to be in control. Really, they don’t. They need you to be assertive (but not aggressive) and impose your will. They want to be tamed, need you to make them WANT to let go and submit while at the same time they want the loving, nurturing companionship found in any other D/s relationship.
Questions:
1. What is your definition of "alpha-submissive personality"?
2. What is a Dominant confident person vs Domineering person?
3. How can there be confusion between a "brat" and "alpha-sub personality"?
4. Do you think a sub with an alpha-submissive personality is misunderstood in general?
5. Open to chatroom for full discussion
My opinion to the questions:
1. A submissive who has many walls and strengths. She is not looking for someone to make her be submissive. The Dom in her life must be equal to her or stronger than her. This can and has confused other submissive men, to attract to her. She is not attracted to those men who submit nor demand her at his every need/want. She builds her relationship with her Dom with communication, trust, and knowledge. She will not just accept any Dom that walks into her life.
2. A Dominant confident person is very self confident in many ways. That knows they are to earn her but know they will get the biggest reward when they have won her over. A confident Dominant person is not afraid to learn, no matter the source, and that includes their own submissive or other submissives
A Domineering person is someone who views their sub as an object. They control every aspect of their sub from, what she wears to how she thinks. A Domineering person tends to over micro manage every form of their submissive's life Why most inexperienced Dominant people, who have not learned, not everything is black and white, which the alpha submissive personality is not black and white.
3. This is where I was confused myself. For years I thought I was part "brat". As a alpha-sub personality, we just tend to have more layers than more and they have to slowly be pulled down. We are very confident and some time it is mistaken for being a "brat". We know what we want and will not settle less for what we think we deserve. This is why most "Dominant People" struggle with an alpha-sub around them. They do not know how to take them and they are not easily controlled, at the drop of a dime.
4. As a sub, learning how she truly is, I feel we are very misunderstood. We do not hold a higher power than any other sub. We just submit in a different way. We are more challenging. I personally feel as if I seek more attention. I am very honest and I do not beating around the bush. I ask questions and will ask them in various ways. If I ever sense that I am more "head strong" I find it weak and lose interest. It is not that I do not care about that person, but more, do not feel challenged.
Summary:
Alpha-submissive personality is no better than anyone else. We will not walk around with a title on our shoulders. We merely want to make sure when we submit, that we are receiving everything we deserve. When we find someone that fits our every need, we are all in. This is something completely new to me, but the more I read on it, the more I realize how true this is. We want the best for everyone around us. The alpha-sub has been known more for in a poly relationship. So make sure you do not mix the two, as some are not into the poly relationship.
Discussion by subbabe31 1 PM US EST
subbabe31 14/04 12:12 E/everyone know what my topic is about today?
The Duke 14/04 12:12 alpha submisive personality by subbabe31
Tbear 14/04 12:12 Alpha subs
subbabe31 14/04 12:12 The Duke 😀
esmay 14/04 12:13 Yes, and I don't think I am one, so I'm really excited to learn.
Gregmlv 14/04 12:13 subbabe31 what is the topic?
Gregmlv 14/04 12:13 Got it
subbabe31 14/04 12:13 Gregmlv alpha submissive personality
esmay 14/04 12:13 subbabe31 I am basing this idea on the title, since I don't know for sure what it is, *blush*
subbabe31 14/04 12:14 I had no idea it was even a thing till i came here
esmay 14/04 12:14 subbabe31 isn't this place great for learning? I'm learning sooo much more than we did in the 6+ years of DD and light D/s
Serrian 14/04 12:17 There’s always more to learn. That’s half the joy of it.
esmay 14/04 12:18 Going to go at it until my brain explodes with all I've learned.
The Duke 14/04 12:18 boom! lol
esmay 14/04 12:19 *hovers nearby to make sure The Duke says very good things at funeral so that I am not forced to haunt him for many years to come*
Tbear 14/04 12:19 *screams at the Boom!*
esmay 14/04 12:20 hehehe, sorry for the mess.... I'd call a clean up crew..... but I have no mouth to call them with anymore... sorry.
The Duke 14/04 12:20 lol
subbabe31 14/04 12:20 Sorry...RL called... Ok... E/everyone ready?
Tbear 14/04 12:20 *in Walmart intercom voice* clean up isle 5
Serrian 14/04 12:20 subbabe31 we are, indeed
Ms Monster 14/04 12:20 subbabe31 yeppers peppers
Tbear 14/04 12:20 subbabe31 yay!!!
subbabe31 14/04 12:21 "I don't see myself as a submissive. I see myself as submissive to you. You see my fires and don't try to put them out. You play in them, feed them, and make them burn brighter. It makes me happy and makes me want to be your good girl."
subbabe31 14/04 12:21 Opening quote
subbabe31 14/04 12:21 What is your definition of "alpha-submissive personality"?
esmay 14/04 12:22 I am guessing someone that leads a life where they are in charge outside of their relationship, whether in business, family, friends, but submits to specific person/people, and them only?
Tbear 14/04 12:23 It’s a submissive with strong enough personality to lead a group of submissive?
esmay 14/04 12:23 Tbear I've been wondering that too *blush*
Serrian 14/04 12:24 I was going to say something similar to esmay.
subbabe31 14/04 12:24 A submissive who has many walls and strengths. She is not looking for someone to make her be submissive. The Dom in her life must be equal to her or stronger than her. This can and has confused other submissive men, to attract to her. She is not attracted to those men who submit nor demand her at his every need/want. She builds her relationship with her Dom with communication, trust, and knowledge. She will not just accept any Dom that walks into her life. (My opinion and what I've gathered)
Gregmlv 14/04 12:25 A submissive who is typically in charge in his or her real life, but wants to submit to another’s will in the lifestyle.
esmay 14/04 12:25 Eeek, The Duke.... maybe I am one. *blush*
subbabe31 14/04 12:25 I personally...take charge in RL but will submit to the right one, yes
The Duke 14/04 12:25 you think so esmay ?
subbabe31 14/04 12:26 BUT......
esmay 14/04 12:26 The Duke I'll wait for the BUT.... hehehe
subbabe31 14/04 12:26 as more time goes on, i may be discovering another side to my alpha sub
Gregmlv 14/04 12:26 subbabe31 the Dom must be condident, patient and strict
Serrian 14/04 12:26 subbabe31 which is?
subbabe31 14/04 12:27 i could lead a group of other submissives...
subbabe31 14/04 12:28 Gregmlv yes...but she needs to feel secure that he is not using her
esmay 14/04 12:28 The Duke I will not just submit to anyone, and need to know you are stronger than me, to stop me if I'm making a bad choice, not submitting... I hope I would always submit, but if I couldn't, I'd want to know you were strong enough to deal with me.... *blush*
subbabe31 14/04 12:28 esmay ❤❤❤
Gregmlv 14/04 12:29 subbabe31 it’s a fine line, one that needs to be carefully walked. She can easily take charge naturally I’d he allows
subbabe31 14/04 12:29 Gregmlv correct
The Duke 14/04 12:29 esmay yes I am little one. You are mine and I will take care of you and protect you from yourself if I have to
subbabe31 14/04 12:29 as most of you know, i have taken a sub under my wing. with that said, I'm finding out more about myself than just the personality...
esmay 14/04 12:29 The Duke Thank you, Sir.
esmay 14/04 12:30 subbabe31 Are you learning strengths you didn't know you had? Inclinations? Protective instincts? Sorry, let me know if that is too many questions. *BLUSH*
Gregmlv 14/04 12:31 subbabe31 the sub is lucky to have you guiding him or her
subbabe31 14/04 12:31 esmay yes love
subbabe31 14/04 12:31 Gregmlv she's my world at this moment
Gregmlv 14/04 12:31 subbabe31 awesome
subbabe31 14/04 12:32 esmay i also find myself correcting her and keeping her in the right direction
Serrian 14/04 12:32 subbabe31 mentoring can be a great joy.
esmay 14/04 12:32 subbabe31 I do find I am protective of those who need my strength, and I am a caretaker/helper at heart, now I have a lot to think of. I don't think I'd like to lead submissives, but like to care and encourage them, and protect if need be....
Gregmlv 14/04 12:32 subbabe31 what are you learning about yourself as you guide her?
esmay 14/04 12:32 subbabe31 what a blessing that must be to her!
Ms Monster 14/04 12:32 subbabe31 That's wonderful
subbabe31 14/04 12:32 esmay we are very much a like
subbabe31 14/04 12:33 Gregmlv a side im not sure I'm ready to be open to the world about yet...
Serrian 14/04 12:33 subbabe31 sometimes those are the best revelations.
esmay 14/04 12:33 subbabe31 isn't that the great thing about all this? There is no rush, we can learn at whatever pace works for us and those we are with.
Gregmlv 14/04 12:34 subbabe31 interesting
subbabe31 14/04 12:34 What is a Dominant confident person vs Domineering person?
Gregmlv 14/04 12:34 esmay well put
subbabe31 14/04 12:34 esmay agree
esmay 14/04 12:34 *blush* Thank you, Gregmlv subbabe31
Gregmlv 14/04 12:35 subbabe31 dominant confident knows when to be dominant and when to back off, a domineering person has not such filter
Gregmlv 14/04 12:35 In my opinion
esmay 14/04 12:36 Gregmlv in this, do you still find the desire to submit to someone else too? Or do you find that diminshing at all? Or maybe growing to give you strength to keep feeding into someone else?
Serrian 14/04 12:36 Domineering is not exclusive to dominants, either.
esmay 14/04 12:36 Gregmlv Gregmlv I like that idea, that is something to remember.
The Duke 14/04 12:36 a dominant confidend person doesnt feel threatened by other dominants
Gregmlv 14/04 12:37 The Duke well said Duke
subbabe31 14/04 12:37 A Dominant confident person is very self confident in many ways. That knows they are to earn her but know they will get the biggest reward when they have won her over. A Domineering person is someone who views their sub as an object. They control every aspect of their sub from, what she wears to how she thinks. I also believe a dominant is willing to keep learning vs a Domineering is stuck in their ways.
Gregmlv 14/04 12:37 esmay hmmm, not sure
Gregmlv 14/04 12:38 subbabe31 outstanding description
subbabe31 14/04 12:38 This is where i butt heads with many Doms....
esmay 14/04 12:39 Gregmlv, Sorry, Sir, that was meant for subbabe31 , the screen must have jumped when I clicked *BLUSH*
Gregmlv 14/04 12:39 esmay no worries
esmay 14/04 12:39 subbabe31 in this, do you still find the desire to submit to someone else too? Or do you find that diminshing at all? Or maybe growing to give you strength to keep feeding into someone else?
subbabe31 14/04 12:39 I'm not just going to throw myself at every "Dom" that wants what i have to offer...
esmay 14/04 12:39 Gregmlv thank you, Sir. : )
Serrian 14/04 12:39 I have to disagree, somewhat. I’ve met many confident Doms that do control every aspect of their sub, but because the sub needs/desires that. I think it’s the attitude behind the actions that define Domineering, rather than the actions themselves.
Gregmlv 14/04 12:39 subbabe31 I can imagine, but are they really Doms? Or are they actors?
Tbear 14/04 12:39 subbabe31 before my coming out I was a Dominant Confident. I typically don’t see eye to eye with a domineering type.
subbabe31 14/04 12:40 esmay i feel the need to submit to one still...but i feel i can help guide and protect many other subs as well
esmay 14/04 12:40 subbabe31 okay.
subbabe31 14/04 12:40 Gregmlv that's why I've had my heart broken many times
esmay 14/04 12:41 I do know of TPE (total power exchange) relationships where it is built on love and respect, but both have to want that. If the Dominant is manipulating and threating to establish a TPE relationship, that is bad.
subbabe31 14/04 12:41 Tbear oh you should see my conversations I've had with them...
subbabe31 14/04 12:41 esmay agree
Tbear 14/04 12:41 subbabe31 I can only imagine.
subbabe31 14/04 12:41 I personally believe the alpha sub is very misunderstood
Gregmlv 14/04 12:42 subbabe31 a Dom also learns from the sub, at least that is my belief, they are equals
subbabe31 14/04 12:42 Gregmlv i agree.. They build from one another
Tbear 14/04 12:43 Agrees a Dom should learn from the sub.
subbabe31 14/04 12:43 Song_Yung i hope it was ok i started....
Song_Yung 14/04 12:44 subbabe31 you are in charge of the Discussion (smiles and hugs)
esmay 14/04 12:44 The Duke poor Duke, when we first started... I may have done more "teaching" than I should have, thankfully I learned fairly quickly. *blush*
subbabe31 14/04 12:45 Do you have clues that would help others be able to tell the difference between the two??
The Duke 14/04 12:45 well it was a process
Gregmlv 14/04 12:45 subbabe31 exactly, it is a 2 way street that only the two can navigate, every couple is different
Song_Yung 14/04 12:46 esmay, some submissives will guide some Dominants but still with the understanding, the Dominant's choices while they learn too
esmay 14/04 12:46 subbabe31 the difference between the two? Sorry, I'm not sure which two we are comparing, sorry.
esmay 14/04 12:47 Song_Yung it may have been more "but that's not how you do it, you need to do it this and this and this way" I had a lot to learn 6 years ago. *BLUSH*
subbabe31 14/04 12:47 esmay Dom confident vs Domineering
Song_Yung 14/04 12:47 how about this? what is the difference between an alpha submissive personality vs. just simply a brat and nothing more than a brat?
Ms Monster 14/04 12:47 subbabe31 Communication style would be a big tip off.
subbabe31 14/04 12:47 Song_Yung i was just going to get there lol
Song_Yung 14/04 12:48 I think there is no difference between a submissive and a alpha personality submissive in regards to their desire to be submissive
esmay 14/04 12:48 subbabe31 To me... I was in a domineering relationship once, I thought it fed my submissive side, but it was a while before I realized it was all for him. I had to like his family and friends, and get them to like me, I wasn't allowed to have my friends anymore. I was always to travel to his house on a 3 hour bus ride when it took him 90 minutes to drive in his car to my place... it was all me giving, and him taking.... I think that was domineering...
Tbear 14/04 12:48 subbabe31 a Dominant Confident will be respectful and earn submission through their actions, they usually have a very pleasant personality and draw the attention in a room. A Domineering type will typically try to force their way in. And expect above and beyond what your willing to give because in my opinion it’s all about the Domeenering person.
Gregmlv 14/04 12:48 subbabe31 I think a alpha sub is confident in herself, a brat just wants attention and lacks confidence
Song_Yung 14/04 12:48 apologies to you subbabe31 if I jumped in front of your questions
subbabe31 14/04 12:49 Song_Yung its ok lol i just wanted to touch on that other question a little more
subbabe31 14/04 12:50 esmay as most of my experiences have went 😔
subbabe31 14/04 12:50 Tbear i do agree
Song_Yung 14/04 12:50 A Dominant knows it is not about their wants. A Dominant knows it is about the submissive's needs. A Dominant does not go to fix a submissive. A Dominant goes to guide a submissive to be the best of themselves, their well being, and to see more of themselves than they may not have envisioned before
subbabe31 14/04 12:50 Gregmlv you do not think subs seek attention?
esmay 14/04 12:50 subbabe31 it's hard, isn't it? I had nothing left to give him when we were done. Well, I have drawn a line at physical intimacy, but, he took everything, I didn't know who I was when he was done.
esmay 14/04 12:51 Song_Yung Song_Yung I'm copying that down.
subbabe31 14/04 12:51 Song_Yung ❤
Gregmlv 14/04 12:51 subbabe31 not in a bratty way, no
Song_Yung 14/04 12:51 their wants, meaning both the Dominant's and the submissive's wants and places the submissive's needs first before their own
subbabe31 14/04 12:51 Gregmlv can it be mistaken for bratty to some??
Serrian 14/04 12:51 A brat is someone seeking attention in ways that encourage domineering force. Well, gross oversimplification.
Gregmlv 14/04 12:51 subbabe31 hmmm, I suppose it could
subbabe31 14/04 12:52 More so the fact I'm not going to listen to everything you say, as youre not my Dom, but i will not disrespect you either
Ms Monster 14/04 12:52 Serrian Agreed, Sir.
Pjosi 14/04 12:52 Isnt a brat a submissive who enjoys pushing the dominant?
Song_Yung 14/04 12:52 I had been thinking about that all morning when someone asked me... how do you tell the difference between a sincere Dominant vs one just playing at it
Ms Monster 14/04 12:52 Pjosi Absolutely.
subbabe31 14/04 12:53 Pjosi i like pushing too *giggles*
esmay 14/04 12:53 I like to have fun, but I try to never be a brat. I don't actually want attention to get into trouble. I like making The Duke smile, but I never want to push it, or others, to the point they think I've stepped out of line. It's a balance, I'm working on it...
subbabe31 14/04 12:53 But in a respectful way..playful way
Ms Monster 14/04 12:53 But brats do it in an unhealthy way and usually meant to trigger actual anger rather than playfully pushing buttons.
The Duke 14/04 12:54 *hugs esmay * you are doing well sweet heart
subbabe31 14/04 12:54 esmay im working too..as ive only had domineering in my life apparently
Song_Yung 14/04 12:54 A brat is one who is not about submission but one who enjoys the constant battle of being contrary. Who will purposefully manipulate a Dom to having the Dom at times unwittingly give them exactly what they want. In essence, they will seek to top from the bottom with purpose without truly seeking to trust in submission
esmay 14/04 12:54 I feel when brats do it for anger, or punishments, they're seeking control, and have stepped out of their submission...
Pjosi 14/04 12:54 Ms Monster I feel that might be lumping it on a pile... It is a spectrum
Ms Monster 14/04 12:54 An alpha sub will be playful in pushing buttons and never go beyond a place where the Dom/me may have limits.
esmay 14/04 12:55 Song_Yung oh, I would have held my answer if I knew yours was coming, you put it much better.
Song_Yung 14/04 12:55 playfully pushing buttons? I call that being cheeky but the submissive also understands that line may be smudged but should not be blatantly crossed over just to simply push the buttons
subbabe31 14/04 12:55 So would you say a brat is more the direspectful type??
Ms Monster 14/04 12:55 Pjosi certainly. A lot of subs will engage in bratty behaviour, but a true blue brat is on the extreme side of that spectrum.
esmay 14/04 12:56 subbabe31 I would find it disrespectful to act that way to anyone in authority over me... well, anyone actually
Serrian 14/04 12:56 Smart-Ass Masochist.
Ms Monster 14/04 12:56 subbabe31 I would. At least a true blue brat.
Song_Yung 14/04 12:56 yes subbabe, I would feel that is true
subbabe31 14/04 12:56 esmay me too
Ms Monster 14/04 12:56 Serrian exactly
subbabe31 14/04 12:56 How can there be confusion between a "brat" and "alpha-sub personality"?
Ms Monster 14/04 12:56 Song_Yung That is exactly what I mean.
Ms Monster 14/04 12:57 When an alpha sub does engage in bratty behaviour, it can cause confusion.
esmay 14/04 12:58 subbabe31 if someone does not understand the intention, or the rules of their Dominant. But honestly, I think if we look at behaviour and intent, it should hopefully clear that up pretty quickly....
Song_Yung 14/04 12:58 lack of understandin, an alpha sub personality will test for the Dominant's ability to be consistent in their guidance and that alpha sub does not purposefully look to be contrary to just to be it. They do it as they want to make sure their Dominant is understanding gray areas exist, flexibility and communication (not giving in once an agreement among parties has happened) will be critical
Ms Monster 14/04 12:58 But an alpha sub would likely be more respectful of and aware of their Dom/me's limits for that behaviour.
Song_Yung 14/04 12:58 I agree with esmay... behavior and intent will set the two personalities apart
esmay 14/04 12:59 The Duke, do I do that, what Song_Yung just said?
Pjosi 14/04 12:59 I like cheekyness, but i dont like the pushing part. But in a play cheekyness could come out, just to give a subtle wink and nudge to the Dominant to come and play
Ms Monster 14/04 12:59 Pjosi perhaps a poor choice of phrasing on my part earlier.
esmay 14/04 12:59 The Duke, I know I sometimes want to, and don't, but wondering if I sometimes do it and don't necessarily notice....
subbabe31 14/04 12:59 This is where I was confused myself. For years I thought I was part "brat". As a alpha-sub personality, we just tend to have more layers than more and they have to slowly be pulled down. We are very confident and some time it is mistaken for being a "brat". We know what we want and will not settle less for what we think we deserve. This is why most "Dominant People" struggle with an alpha-sub around them. They do not know how to take them and they are not easily controlled, at the drop of a dim
subbabe31 14/04 12:59 *dime
The Duke 14/04 12:59 esmay not sure i have to think about it
Pjosi 14/04 13:00 Ms Monster Or a misunderstanding on mine *smiles*
Song_Yung 14/04 13:00 Pjosi, TL and I had an alpha submissive personality. At the time he has 19 years experience. He would be cheeky... i.e. "Misses, if you feel this submissive should come today, I would not disagree"
Pjosi 14/04 13:00 Song_Yung Exactly that *smiles*
Serrian 14/04 13:01 I honestly am usually with an alpha sub. I’ve had non-alphas, but usually only in conjunction with an alpha.
Ms Monster 14/04 13:01 Pjosi *smiles back*
Song_Yung 14/04 13:01 and sometimes he go right up to the lines and smudge them just to test us if we were paying attention. I would tease him... I am sure I left that 15 pound ball peen hammer around here somewhere. That toe is getting awfully close crossing that line. lol
Tbear 14/04 13:02 that’s a big ass hammer!
esmay 14/04 13:02 The Duke if I do, I think threats will help like ^^^^^ lol
Song_Yung 14/04 13:02 Serrian, TLSCP and I, before we were together, tended towards submissives without alpha personalities. After we got together, it seemed to be our conjoined desire of this personality. Not sure what caused that shift, but we have a wonderful joyous time with them
The Duke 14/04 13:02 esmay yes sorry im still trying to re-read it and think about how it does or doesnt apply to you
esmay 14/04 13:03 The Duke Oh, Sir, I am sorry. I did not mean to rush you. I will wait. : )
Song_Yung 14/04 13:03 lol Tbear... have to get that point across. I know what you are doing. Thank you for testing your toe but the deep end is nearing, you may want to back up there buddy. lol
Tbear 14/04 13:03
Serrian 14/04 13:04 Song_Yung I prefer the strength. There’s a challenge there, and a pride, admittedly. This person doesn’t need to submit to anyone. They choose to submit to me. It makes everything so much more satisfying, and feels truly special.
The Duke 14/04 13:04 esmay im not sure if you do that, no
Song_Yung 14/04 13:05 exactly Serrian. Prized jewel if one is lucky to have an alpha submissive personality submsisive because they are very loyal once you are graced with the privilege of their submission
esmay 14/04 13:05 The Duke I sometimes want to.... *BLUSH* and don't when I notice it... but I like to feel your strength and know you have me... *BLUSH*
subbabe31 14/04 13:05 Do you think a sub with an alpha-submissive personality is misunderstood in general?
Serrian 14/04 13:05 Song_Yung so true.
Serrian 14/04 13:05 subbabe31 all too often.
The Duke 14/04 13:05 esmay we may have to talk about this after in person, so i can understand better exactly what you think about it
esmay 14/04 13:05 The Duke Yes, Sir.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:06 yes subbabe31 if a Dominanat has not been taught to spot one or may not have the confidence when being tested (not challenged)
The Duke 14/04 13:06 esmay i think you would notice if you did it, wouldn't you?
esmay 14/04 13:06 The Duke I hope so, Sir.
subbabe31 14/04 13:07 As a sub, learning how she truly is, I feel we are very misunderstood. We do not hold a higher power than any other sub. We just submit in a different way. We are more challenging. I personally feel as if I seek more attention. I am very honest and I do not beating around the bush. I ask questions and will ask them in various ways. If I ever sense that I am more "head strong" I find it weak and lose interest. It is not that I do not care about that person, but more, do not feel challenged.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:07 subbabe31, not all Dominants want/desire or will be able to flex with an alpha submissive personality AND that is ok too. It does not make them less. Simply, it is not their style of dominance.
esmay 14/04 13:08 subbabe31 I think so. Sometimes they just need to know their Dominant is stronger. I heard an analogy of this lately, A goat will often slam it's head against a fence until it is sure it won't give. But every once in a while, it goes back to that same fence, and tries again, to make sure he can't make it budge, and sometimes submissives do that too, to make sure someone still has them, no matter what....
The Duke 14/04 13:08 esmay ok i dont think you brat a lot just for attention no, if that is what you mean
esmay 14/04 13:09 The Duke, no, I don't do that, Sir. Sorry, will ask you in private later.
esmay 14/04 13:09 daniel11361 *waves* hi!
Ms Monster 14/04 13:09 Exactly. I am not about to submit to someone simply because they call themselves a Dom. If one wants my submission, they had better be willing to earn it.
The Duke 14/04 13:09 esmay I am glad that you like feeling my strength
Ms Monster 14/04 13:09 It is a gift.
Serrian 14/04 13:10 Ms Monster I’ll unwrap you later.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:10 all sincere submission is a gift and should not be squandered at all
Ms Monster 14/04 13:10 Serrian Rawr, Sir!
Song_Yung 14/04 13:10 I feel brats are not sincere. They simply just want to play mind games
Tbear 14/04 13:11 Song_Yung *nods in agreement *
Song_Yung 14/04 13:11 *slides my cold toes under daniel's bum cheeks*
The Duke 14/04 13:11 hello daniel11361
Serrian 14/04 13:11 velvetgirl welcome back
Gregmlv 14/04 13:12 Song_Yung I agree, an alpha sub is fascinating, a brat is annoying
subbabe31 14/04 13:14 Alpha-submissive personality is no better than anyone else. We will not walk around with a title on our shoulders. We merely want to make sure when we submit, that we are receiving everything we deserve. When we find someone that fits our every need, we are all in. This is something completely new to me, but the more I read on it, the more I realize how true this is. We want the best for everyone around us. The alpha-sub has been known more for in a poly relationship. So make sure you do not mix
subbabe31 14/04 13:14 the two, as some are not into the poly relationship.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:14 Gregmlv, our alpha would now and then "act up" to see if we would "punish" him into giving him what he wanted. He discovered quickly, we knew what he was doing. I either ignore it, say something, yep I am aware what you are doing and I will issue a correction if you continue, or sometimes I assign the most boring task possible just out of surprise. We did not want to be consistent in our reaction to him. Keep him on his toes
Gregmlv 14/04 13:14 Song_Yung smile, well put!
The Duke 14/04 13:15 so an alpha sub you are saying is one who doesn't just do whatever the dom tells her to do immediately
subbabe31 14/04 13:15 The Duke depends
Song_Yung 14/04 13:16 no, The Duke. an alpha submissive personality is not going to roll over and play dead to just any Dominant because they threw a name tag "Hello my name is Dominant"
subbabe31 14/04 13:16 The Duke when the right one is found...i will at the drop of a pen. Ill be his biggest reward
subbabe31 14/04 13:16 Song_Yung thank you
emily_kajira 14/04 13:16 I think that I am a beta submissive personality, especially around other strong submissives.
Ms Monster 14/04 13:17 The Duke Not necessarily. I follow my Sir's orders promptly and to specification. But he is the only one I will submit to.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:17 The Duke, at the beginning of courtship, the alpha submissive is going to test, push, check for consistency, check for Dominant self confidence (a non confident one will be Domineering and micro managing a person)
Ms Monster 14/04 13:18 He also had to earn my submission.
The Duke 14/04 13:18 so we are talking specifically about subs who are either not already with a dom, or while interacting with other doms besides their own?
emily_kajira 14/04 13:18 and you, His Dominance, right Ms Monster ?
Ms Monster 14/04 13:18 emily_kajira Indeed.
Nexus 14/04 13:19 Ms Monster in my opinion Dominants must always earn a submissive's submission.
emily_kajira 14/04 13:19 Ms Monster
Song_Yung 14/04 13:19 periodically, once the alpha submissive personality has agreed in their submission, it is like children growing... life is certain to change, good communication with reasonable explanations of "whys" from both parties, sometimes life creates changes in rules and that Dominant gets that and will agree to flex older rules and establish new ones based on thise changes in life
esmay 14/04 13:19 I find it hard because we started this in marriage. I hold back at times when I want to see how strong the lines are because I am so thankful the Duke is doing this for me, and don't want to risk undoing any growth we've had....
emily_kajira 14/04 13:19 sorry about that!
Song_Yung 14/04 13:20 good example: injury to an arm may make it hard for a submissive to continue to do dishes. The Dominant understands this fact and may say, you will no longer do the dishes because it is more injurious and painful to you. I will do them. Instead, you can do this in trade off or simply just remove the task and not add any more to the tasks
The Duke 14/04 13:20 yes forgive me i have trouble understanding some things from the point of view of the single doms/subs as esmay and I came to this together once already married to each other
Ms Monster 14/04 13:20 Nexus True. However, subs that are not alpha may be more willing to submit. I, myself am highly assertuve and would never allow someone to dominate me without proving themselves worthy of such a gift.
The Duke 14/04 13:21 I think that is a loving way to handle things Song_Yung
Song_Yung 14/04 13:22 Remember, any new Dominants, and I do not think there are any here, your submissive will near daily TRUST FALL and our job is to catch them because they need that assurance we are there to do it because we are AWARE and ALERT to them
subbabe31 14/04 13:22 Ms Monster I'm the same way
The Duke 14/04 13:22 makes sense
esmay 14/04 13:23 The Duke I think you are doing wonderfully, Sir, and am very thankful.
Nexus 14/04 13:23 Ms Monster yes. There are many who give themselves away quickly. I try not to get into those relationships.
The Duke 14/04 13:23 thank you esmay
Song_Yung 14/04 13:23 Trust falls can come in the form of simply hearing them (not always offering a solution), testing the line boundaries for your consistent reaction to adhering to the rules, leading them by example, and being their to guide them when they need you most
Ms Monster 14/04 13:23 Nexus That is good.
esmay 14/04 13:23 Song_Yung could you give some examples of what those look like?
Nexus 14/04 13:24 Song_Yung also at times it is good to question how the submissive feels in a certain situation, or what they have learned.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:24 Nexus I get that often but I do not necessarily dismiss them. I simply pause them. Explain why. If they are willing to learn the why? Sometimes, I am willing to offer them my capacity as mentor and guide. Not necessarily be their Dominant, but at least to help them navigate to better choices
Song_Yung 14/04 13:25 Nexus that is under the be AWARE and be ALERT
Ms Monster 14/04 13:25 I will also be respectful of other Dom/mes, but I won't display submissive behaviour to them, such as aking for permission to enter/leave the room. The closest I get is asking Serrian if I may take my place on his lap.
Ms Monster 14/04 13:25 But that is just an example.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:26 Ms Monster, even daniel is not required to ask to come and go formally in the room. His main task when entering the room? Miss TLSCP and I will be greeted first above all others. He will wait 2 minutes to see if we respond then he may greet everyone else after us
Song_Yung 14/04 13:26 I simply told him, We are first and foremost in your focus
Ms Monster 14/04 13:27 Exactly.
esmay 14/04 13:27 So if we feel the need to submit to other Dominants, if our Dominant places them over us to protect us, then that wouldn't be alpha submissive behaviour, right? I mean, The Duke has placed people to watch over me, and I feel the need to respect them and obey them when he is not here.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:28 esmay, you do not submit to your Protectors. You submit to The Duke who has told you, follow what your Protectors tell you to do
subbabe31 14/04 13:28 esmay i think that is more respect
esmay 14/04 13:28 Song_Yung oh, ok, that makes sense.
Ms Monster 14/04 13:28 esmay That does not mean you are not an alpha sub. Only you can really make that determination.
Nexus 14/04 13:28 That is the best way Song_Yung and Ms Monster
esmay 14/04 13:28 subbabe31 oh, ok. I can see that.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:29 because you follow what your Protectors say, it is because The Duke told you to do it. Therefore, your submission is still with The Duke. He trusts your Protectors will not exceed his limits and your limits
daniel11361 14/04 13:29 if you want me to ask coming and going Miss Song_Yung , i can
esmay 14/04 13:29 Hmmm, today has given me a lot to think about. : )
The Duke 14/04 13:29 yes it has
esmay 14/04 13:29 Song_Yung that is true. If he didn't tell me to let them, I wouldn't.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:30 daniel11361, I know you would but it is not a requirement under Miss TL's and my style of room courtesy. You do it because you want to do it. Not because we asked you. ok?
The Duke 14/04 13:30 it would be interesting to go to a munch and see how esmay reacts around other doms in person
esmay 14/04 13:30 Eeek.....
Song_Yung 14/04 13:31 I have heard since I was age 16? I am intimidating. I always chuckle... I am just 5'1 people
esmay 14/04 13:31 The Duke Sir, how do you know about munches? *gulp*
subbabe31 14/04 13:31 Song_Yung attitude and body language is everything
daniel11361 14/04 13:31 Oh i understand that part, but even if you had asked of me, I would not mind
The Duke 14/04 13:31 we talked about it in chat before
daniel11361 14/04 13:31 hahahaSong_Yung
The Duke 14/04 13:31 and i read about it on the garden
emily_kajira 14/04 13:31 esmay *smiles softly* munches are like a gathering of friends at a restruant. Very low key.
The Duke 14/04 13:32 yeah its not a play party
esmay 14/04 13:32 I know..... still..... I'm very nervous.....
Ms Monster 14/04 13:32 Song_Yung I hear the same. I never know where that comes from, though. I don't veiw myself as exhibiting intimidating behaviour. Though, I usually hear this most from other women/other subs.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:33 your confidence exudes Ms Monster even in text
subbabe31 14/04 13:33 Ms Monster me too... Must be the alpha thing *giggles*
esmay 14/04 13:33 Master Albert. *waves* : ) How are you feeling today, Sir?
subbabe31 14/04 13:33 Song_Yung is this why submissive men attract to Alphas as well?
subbabe31 14/04 13:33 Or even women?
Pjosi 14/04 13:34 People are always intimidated by me till they know me *shrugs*
Ms Monster 14/04 13:34 Song_Yung Thank you, lovely. I suppose that is a much more poitive spin on it. Much appreciated!
subbabe31 14/04 13:34 Pjosi same here
Pjosi 14/04 13:34 Then again im a giant with long hair xD
Song_Yung 14/04 13:34 My new boss. I was having a conversation with her on a legal exposure and stated "I suggest you begin doing this." She asked, "How?" I told her, your business, your money, and I imagine you are in business to make money, not give it away in a lawsuit. You mandate it. No options. It must be done
subbabe31 14/04 13:34 Master Albert good afternoon Sir *listening*
Song_Yung 14/04 13:34 She walked over to her cousin who is the office manager, Song says we must begin doing this. We will be doing it from now on.
Song_Yung 14/04 13:35 Pjosi, I used to boss around 6'1, 6'3, 6'4 men on a tournament dart team. I was the only woman on the team
Pjosi 14/04 13:36 Song_Yung *smiles* i have no doubt you could boss me around. I am nice like that
Ms Monster 14/04 13:38 subbabe31 right?
subbabe31 14/04 13:38 Song_Yung i want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to lead the discussion. it boosted my confidence in myself and being able to help lead. Thank you Ma'am
Gregmlv 14/04 13:39 Song_Yung you picked a great discussion leader.
esmay 14/04 13:39 subbabe31 you did such a wonderful job, and I have learned a lot, and have much to take and think about later. : )
subbabe31 14/04 13:39 Gregmlv 😊
The Duke 14/04 13:39 yes thank you subbabe31
subbabe31 14/04 13:39 esmay 😘 thank you love
subbabe31 14/04 13:39 The Duke thank you Sir
MasterRay72 14/04 13:39 subbabe31 you have done very well in leading the discussion, little one
Song_Yung 14/04 13:39 subbabe31 you always had the confidence, you just needed to see it was ok to have it. THANK YOU for doing the discussion!
Ms Monster 14/04 13:40 subbabe31 Wonderful job! Thank you so much for taking the time to present this topic. We had some fantastic discussion around it.
subbabe31 14/04 13:40 MasterRay72 thank you Sir
subbabe31 14/04 13:40 Song_Yung it was my pleasure *giggles*
subbabe31 14/04 13:40 Ms Monster i just hope we can continue as im still learning
Pjosi 14/04 13:41 subbabe31 It was very interesting and i enjoyed readin and learning
subbabe31 14/04 13:42 Pjosi thank you hun
Ms Monster 14/04 13:42 subbabe31 Always!
Song_Yung 14/04 13:42 subbabe31 is leading the topic again at 8 pm est for those wanting to join again, came at the tail end (me), and of course new participants
Pjosi 14/04 13:42 That is in 5 hours right?
daniel11361 14/04 13:43 yep
Song_Yung 14/04 13:43 so if you know anybody else in other chats that may benefit from our site's goal: SINCERELY learn and share experiences while following our Munch protocol courtesies to each other, please extend an invite
daniel11361 14/04 13:43 5 hours and 15 mins
Ms Monster 14/04 13:43 I shall do my best to attend.
Pjosi 14/04 13:43 daniel11361 Thank you
Ms Monster 14/04 13:43 I'll extend an invitation to folks I talk to.
Alpha submissive Personality by subbabe31 8 PM US EST
subbabe31 14/04 19:00 "I don't see myself as a submissive. I see myself as submissive to you. You see my fires and don't try to put them out. You play in them, feed them, and make them burn brighter. It makes me happy and makes me want to be your good girl."
southernwildcat 14/04 19:00 esmay. We just had to have a calm discussion about the definition of morning vs lunchtime, the amount of money I spent at their store and if they could not keep the commitment they made, I could take my business elsewhere, and just how much money I had tied up in freshly processsed meat, 🤷♀️
subbabe31 14/04 19:00 My favorite quote i found while studying... I share to start the discussion
andone 14/04 19:01 A very cool quote subbabe31
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